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Never Too Late
The Muse in your May 15, 2010, newsletter really struck home with me. It was about delaying a visit to a friend who had recently lost her husband because the visit might be awkward and difficult.
I lost my husband recently and very unexpectedly. He loved his garden, and the grandkids and neighbors' kids were always with him when he was out there. They felt good about being short because they could reach the low things that Grandpa had a hard time with, like planting the seeds. They also could climb the orchard trees higher than he could and loved to climb way up and pick the fruit.
In the very early spring of 2009, I started a project of documenting with my camera every season of the year with him in his garden and orchard, along with including each child that came to be with him. I was in the process of getting the pictures organized into sections and doing a little Photoshop-ing on some so I could scrapbook them and give him the book for his birthday.
Well, I had "delayed" getting it done sooner, and I missed giving it to him before he left us. Fortunately, my children wanted to make a DVD of his life with music and were able to access pictures of him in every season for that last year, as well as other pictures I had found and scanned in as I was working on this project. They and our friends now all have a copy of that DVD.
I felt guilt and frustration for not having been able to give the finished book to him. I decided to quit the project and just let the pictures be, and the DVD could be enough. I felt so let down that I hadn't been able to give it to him... I thought it wasn't worth finishing. There was no reason.
Then I read the Muse titled "Delaying" (by Dee Van). At first, I thought it would only make me feel more guilty, but as I read, I found out that it is never too late to enjoy these pictures and scrapbook them. My family and friends and I can enjoy fond memories as we sit and go through the book at our own pace and talk and laugh and cry over them. I love the DVD, but the scrapbook will have other dimensions and opportunities to enjoy the pictures as we talk and remember and love with each other, turning the pages back and forth.
I have been so encouraged through that Muse, and I can't wait to get back to this project again. My grandchildren and my neighbors' children say things about their memories of Grandpa, and those will be journaled into the book, too.
I have pictures of weighing the "Great Pumpkin," roto-tilling the garden, planting seeds, blooming fruit trees, little girls sitting in a group with their skirts full of peas, shelling and eating them as they talk. I have scenes of games of kickball between the orchard trees, as well as picking the fruit in the summer. At first, I didn't know how to document the winter season in the garden, but then I saw the bare trees, heavy with snow, and my husband giving the kids a sled ride through the huge yard and orchard. Perfect.
Now, rather than feeling guilty about being slow, I am able to have a pleasant, healing time while I finish my project. There will be tender times and funny times. I was going to end my project because the reason for starting it wasn't there anymore. Now, there is a new and just-as-important reason to continue. I can honor my husband, my family's father and grandpa, and the neighbors' very good friend. Father's Day was so much better than I expected, and it's because of this renewal of the reasons we always honored him on that day.
I have found that it's never too late to document someone's life.
Marie Durrant
Muse: To be absorbed in one's thoughts; engage in meditation. Not intended to solve the world's problems, another person's problems, or to cover topics completely. One does not have to agree with musings to enjoy them, just as one does not have to be the same as someone else to appreciate who they are.
Would you like to earn a $20 Gift Certificate? Send your own muse to [email protected]. If it is selected for publication in the Scrap Girls newsletter, you'll get to have fun shopping!
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