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Faith of a Mustard Seed
There are few things in my life that have rocked me to my core. The diagnosis of aggressive rheumatoid arthritis (RA) at the age of 29 was one of them.
I had been suffering intermittent pain in my joints for some time when I finally decided it was time to see the doctor. I had already been seeing specialists for an answer to a mysterious weakness in my arms and legs that sometimes kept me from even clipping my nails; I figured, "What's one more weird symptom?"
The specialists sent me for blood work, and it came back positive for RA, which surprised them, given my age. They re-did the test, and when it came back the same, I was referred to a rheumatologist. During a test workup, the lab technician asked me who I'd gotten on the bad side of. The x-rays confirmed: I had RA.
Not only did I have RA, but my numbers indicated that I had an aggressive form and would likely need to start meds soon. He told me that he was frankly surprised that I didn't already have the outward deformities associated with the disease.
I was dumbfounded! I didn't know what to say or even think. I felt reality fade away around me... and the world grew dim as what I'd just heard sank in.
Was it a death sentence? Well, no, but it was something I never dreamed I'd face so early in life. I am a creative person. I write, I sculpt, I sew, I scrapbook... all things I need dexterity to accomplish. Commercials warned me that I might one day find it impossible to button my children's shirts or turn the doorknob. I read stacks of information in books and online that informed me that in aggressive cases, it can even attack the internal organs... in some cases, be fatal. I cried alone and wished my husband wasn't thousands of miles away when I needed him to hold me.
Then I got angry!
The next Sunday at church I went down to the front for prayer. They laid hands on me; my joints felt warm. They urged me to come to the healing team's monthly meeting; they were set to meet just days after Bryan was due home from his TDY. When I got home that night I sat on my bed with my Bible, praying that God would tell me what He wanted me to know. I wasn't one to test God, but I wanted to ask plainly, and so I prayed for His word and let my Bible fall open. Looking down, I couldn't believe the first verse that I saw.
"For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."
(Matthew 17:20, English Standard Version)
God was encouraging me... He was telling me that if I chose to believe Him, I could tell RA to take a hike. Did I dare to believe Him? Did I dare not to? I made a choice, told RA to take a hike, and to seal the deal I made arrangements to be at the healing team meeting.
As luck would have it, Bryan got home only hours before the meeting. I had a sitter with the kids and dressed for a dinner date. I picked him up at the airport and drove straight to the church. As we filled out our initial prayer request, one of the team members turned to Bryan and asked him if he'd mind meeting with someone as well.
"I feel like God is telling me that you are under a lot of stress. You have some big decisions to make soon, and they are weighing heavily on you. He wants you to be prayed over; He has something to tell you, too."
Bryan nodded with an odd expression. He hadn't said anything to anyone but me, but his reenlistment was coming up in a few weeks, and he was struggling with reenlisting or getting out. So far, he hadn't had any information about a job elsewhere, but he felt strongly that he needed to get out because he was away from the family too much. The decision was eating him alive.
We met with separate prayer teams. The one I met with was amazing. They shared with me that God had told them they'd be praying for someone with RA that night. Plus, I had been homeschooling and wasn't sure if I was doing a good job of it. I hadn't mentioned it to anyone, but it felt like a ton of bricks lifted when one of the ladies said that God told her He was proud of the job I'd been doing with the kids. She said that He warned of struggles because He had a great calling on each of our children, and He urged me to be ever-vigilant against attacks on our family for that very reason. I felt heat course through me and the urge to laugh was overwhelming. All of a sudden, I found myself on the floor, trembling and laughing even as tears flowed down my cheeks. It was one of the most profound things that I have ever experienced. When God touches you... REALLY reaches down and touches your very soul, you are never the same.
December 27, 2009 marked three years since my diagnosis with RA. I haven't had pain in over two years, and there are no outward signs of the disease. I have been fully healed. Does everyone embrace what I experienced? No, there are skeptics that believe I am in a "quiet" phase of the disease. I have learned that God doesn't lie. He can't lie, and therefore, everything He promises us in the Bible is available... if only we are willing to claim it. Thank You, Heavenly Father.
Jennifer H.
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