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Ro Paxman
How Do I Look?
"A man who won't lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings."
"How do I look?"
These are the most dreaded words in the English language for any self-respecting husband because it is difficult to reply honestly without getting into trouble.
If a husband suggests to his wife that she ought to change an item of apparel or that she has looked better on other occasions, his wife will feel as if an attack on her self-esteem has been made.
"You don't like it?" she will reply, perhaps trying to appear as if she doesn't mind what she has heard.
The husband, emboldened by what sounds like an opening for truth might continue, "Well, I have never actually liked that shirt."
"You don't like it? You don't like it? How could you say you don't like it? I have been wearing it every time we go out for the past year and now – after all of this time – you tell me that you don't like it? Why did you let me wear something that looks bad all of this time?"
The husband, who might realize (if he is a particularly sharp individual) that he has wandered into the forbidden will likely say, "Oh, no... I didn't mean that I don't like the shirt. I meant that I have never liked how it looks on you."
The wife, whose eyes have now flashed Superman's death rays at her poor hapless spouse demands, "Oh, so you don't like how it looks on ME? Well, that is so much better then. It is not the shirt that is the problem. I'm the problem."
The husband (unless he is a particularly dense creature) now knows that he better enjoy sleeping on the couch because he is going to be there for some time – unless he can repair the damage he has created. And so, he tries. (The poor fool.)
"Now, why are you so mad at me?" he asks innocently. "You asked me how you look and I answered your question. If you didn't want to know what I thought, you shouldn't have asked me to begin with."
His wife, who at that point cannot believe that she is married to such a complete nit-wit, feels her eyes filling with tears.
"You don't understand me at all."
The husband, realizing that he has lost the battle once and for all, starts to say something more about her appearance, but thinking that he better quit while he is ahead (why he thinks he is ahead is one of the completely mysteries of life) changes the subject.
"So, where would you like to eat tonight?" he tries.
She stares at him before she says, "If you still want to go out, I guess I better change my shirt because, apparently, I look too bad to go out in public in it."
With that, the man sighs and leaves the room. Once he locates his big lounge chair, he climbs into it as if he is climbing into the comfortable lap of his mother. He begins to flip through the channels on the TV, as he knows that it will take a while for her to alter her appearance to her satisfaction.
After a while, he hears her coming down the hall and braces himself. He knows what is coming next and he doesn't like it one bit.
"How do I look?" he hears upon her entrance.
"Wonderful," he says enthusiastically. "Can we go now?"
"What do you mean by wonderful?"
"You are the loveliest creature that I have ever seen in my life. I am completely fortunate to have married you and I will growl at any man who dares to look in your direction because you are all mine, mine, mine."
Smiling, the wife says, "Well, that is more like it!"
This scene is completely made up, of course. My husband knows better than to actually tell me what he thinks I look like when he is asked.
He's a smart cookie and, apparently, doesn't enjoy pain.
Ro
Muse: To be absorbed in one's thoughts; engage in meditation. Not intended to solve the world's problems, another person's problems, or to cover topics completely. One does not have to agree with musings to enjoy them, just as one does not have to be the same as someone else to appreciate who they are.
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