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Note from Ro: This is a muse I wrote in 2007.
Ro Paxman
Joan Crawford, Mother Teresa and Dr. Laura
Joan Crawford's life is a study in how "not to do it." While she was one of Hollywood's most enduring actresses, her life was full of great mayhem. I believe that should her history be associated with any other profession, mentions of her activities would fall from newspaper society pages to the want ads.
- Wanted: One mother to replace the woman who pretended she wanted children as a means to further her career.
- Wanted: A lawyer to be on call for a woman who cannot maintain familial relationships, as she is in constant need of legal advice on how to extract her from "sticky situations."
- Wanted: A soul to replace one who was lost during a lifetime of clawing to the top of the fame pile.
I saw a documentary about Crawford's life last weekend. It began with a statement by one of her former directors who said he is disappointed that all everyone associates with Crawford is child abuse, wire hangers and her daughter's book, "Mommie Dearest." His opinion is that Crawford was one of Hollywood's greatest actresses despite her penchant for abusing her older children.
As the documentary continued, I began to feel that the director probably wasn't the best individual to speak of her virtues; He conducted a three-year affair with Crawford while married to another woman. This was just one of a countless number of affairs for Crawford, who was not above doing anything or hurting anyone to achieve her aims.
She lived a life full of immorality, alcoholism and desperate actions meant to bring her positive attention from the press. She was slavishly devoted to her fans, but was unable to show the same type of affection to her children. At the very end of her life, when it was apparent that she was going to die, her attendant began to pray for her. Crawford told her to stop, with a statement such that she felt it was unnecessary to have God's help.
Crawford's story hung about in my mind overnight, troubling me. While it was obvious to me why I found her life distasteful, I felt there was a larger lesson to learn. I woke up the next morning with Crawford still on my mind. "What is it?" I wondered. "What germ of familiarity lies in this story?"
I decided to consider another woman who was the polar opposite of Joan Crawford: Mother Teresa. What characteristics set them apart?
Mother Teresa was perhaps the most well-known example of selflessness that existed during her time. Choosing to minister to orphans who lived in extreme poverty in India, she walked with the forgotten of the world. It was irony at best that she became one of the world's best known and loved women as she did not seek fame. It was her desire to help that forced her to speak out about the dire conditions she saw. She needed financial help and in order to receive donations, she became an accidental spokeswoman for poverty in India. Mother Teresa lived the second commandment, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy self." She understood the words and chose to live her life in service of mankind.
Joan Crawford loved Joan Crawford. Her neighbors existed only to climb over, to praise her, to help her achieve her wishes. She desired the type of fame that carries with it the message that "self is better than neighbor" and therefore, "self is excused from any actions that self takes to achieve self's aims."
I am currently reading Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." The book's message is a simple one: Women mess up their marriages when they forget that their husbands have equal rights to love and respect. Women mess up their marriages when they insist that they become the center of the world. Women mess up their marriages when they become selfish. (Translation: Women have forgotten to love their husbands as themselves.)
I believe that if society decided to follow the second commandment, the majority of problems we experience would be solved.
- There would be no theft, because one doesn't steal from someone they love as much as themselves.
- There would be no adultery, because someone doesn't cheat when someone considers the feelings of their spouse as much as their own.
- There would be no lying, no hatred, no fear, no rudeness and no war.
The world would be filled with peace and calm would prevail.
I now understand that the story of Joan Crawford bothered me because I have not yet achieved the level of selflessness that I desire. I know this because when I reflect upon my day as I pray each night, it is those moments when I exhibited selfishness that trouble me most.
The lesson that I will take away from watching Joan Crawford's story is that if I want to keep the outcome of my life in alignment with my heart's desires, I must guard my choices and keep trying to course-correct when I observe that I have erred. I must work towards following the second commandment.
Today, I challenge each of us to try to be a little more loving towards our neighbors.
Have a great day,
Ro
Muse: To be absorbed in one's thoughts; engage in meditation. Not intended to solve the world's problems, another person's problems, or to cover topics completely. One does not have to agree with musings to enjoy them, just as one does not have to be the same as someone else to appreciate who they are.
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